| Sometimes life feels like a tornado touched down | | | | exalted experience. Meditation is another way that |
| on an ordinary day and left broken chards of | | | | many have connected with a strength and love |
| everything you knew. Change is often sudden and | | | | beyond their conscious understanding. Sometimes |
| all-encompassing. When a major shift comes into | | | | you may find grace in the religion of your |
| your life, you may feel vulnerable and frightened. | | | | upbringing. Sometimes, you may need to explore |
| But keep this in mind. When a lobster grows, it | | | | new spiritual paths that touch your soul now. |
| sheds it shell. It's pink and raw in the in-between | | | | You might find it helpful to write a letter to God |
| time. But it's about to grow into a stronger and | | | | or to your Inner Teacher and allow yourself to |
| greater expression of itself. So are you. | | | | write back from this powerful perspective of |
| When you're frightened your mind tends to spin | | | | loving wisdom. If you have a hard time imagining |
| around and calculate a thousand scenarios all at | | | | what this Loving Power would say, imagine what |
| once. You can't imagine how you will ever | | | | you would say to someone you loved who |
| navigate your way through this kaleidoscopic | | | | reached out to you. |
| unknown. You may feel tired, hopeless, ill-equipped | | | | Stop Fighting What Is |
| and burdened. You may feel as though you just | | | | Many spiritual paths teach that when we can't |
| wish you could go back to the way things were. | | | | escape our pain or change our circumstances, a |
| You may feel terrified that you will make a bad | | | | deeper, true life begins. Buddhists believe that |
| decision. These are all normal feelings. But they're | | | | freedom comes when we face our pain with |
| feelings. They are not facts. They are just the | | | | awareness and acceptance. There is a teaching |
| first layer of reaction. | | | | that advises us to "lean into the sharp edge of |
| Underneath this raging sea of emotions and first | | | | the sword." In the Judeo-Christian tradition, we |
| reactions, you have a competent decision maker. | | | | are taught to "Resist not evil." In modern |
| You have excellent radar. You have what you | | | | psychology we are taught, that "what we resist, |
| need. Underneath your confusion, you have a | | | | persists." On the path of healing, all roads lead to |
| resourceful self. You do have a way of coming to | | | | acceptance. |
| clarity. | | | | You might find it helpful to write a "Declaration of |
| Just because you can't see your choices, doesn't | | | | Acceptance." You can write a list of resolves, |
| mean they're not there. Fear often puts up a | | | | something like this: "I resolve to see this as |
| shield that blocks out other information. But | | | | positive." "I resolve to see this as useful." "I |
| remember, change is the nature of life. The | | | | resolve to no longer look backwards or focus on |
| embryo leaves the womb to inherit this world. | | | | blame." |
| You left kindergarten to go on to first grade. | | | | Sometimes you may feel as though you don't |
| Being in transition is a natural and vital part of | | | | want to embrace your circumstances because |
| existence. It's up to you whether you will interpret | | | | you do not want to resign yourself to them. You |
| it as a void or an adventure. All true growth | | | | may think that if you stop fighting your life, you |
| originates in newness and confusion. That's why | | | | will settle into it like concrete and be stuck |
| the great philosopher Nietzche said, "It takes | | | | forever. But this is a melodramatic thinking. This is |
| chaos to give birth to a rising star." | | | | not the rest of your life. This situation is a |
| While you're "giving birth to a rising star," these | | | | stepping stone. It's not set in stone. Nothing in life |
| strategies can help you discover the next right | | | | remains static. Show up with love for this |
| step for you: | | | | moment. It's your moment. Love changes |
| Find a Next step, not a whole life | | | | everything. Embracing your life makes you strong, |
| In times of change, most of us start asking "what | | | | centered, and focused and helps you grow |
| should I do with my life?" That's way too huge a | | | | inevitably into your next rightful expression. St. |
| question. You may need to ask "what do I do in | | | | Catherine of Siena said, "All the way to heaven is |
| this moment?" What do I feel energy to do? The | | | | heaven." |
| best way to find your way through times of | | | | Choose from Love Instead of Fear |
| change is one moment at a time. You may think | | | | Your frightened mind might want to act fast. |
| of it as following a path of breadcrumbs. You | | | | Your angry mind might want to make someone |
| don't need to find the whole loaf, wheel of | | | | else pay. Your small mind does not make the best |
| cheese, and salad bar. You just need to find one | | | | decisions. Your first reactions may come to you |
| crumb. Find the one thing that you feel like you | | | | strongly, but it doesn't mean that you want to |
| could do right now. It's okay if the one thing you | | | | follow them. Remember there is a deeper, |
| want to do is take a nap. Each step leads to | | | | brighter part of yourself that trusts more and |
| another. It also helps you to realize that you | | | | may be willing to take the high road in different |
| always have a direction in the moment. | | | | situations. Sometimes the voice of fear within you |
| Make the decision to Support your Choices | | | | can sound like being "reasonable." But often it |
| It's hard to make a good decision with a guillotine | | | | limits you to past conditioning. Choosing with love |
| hanging over your head. You may be afraid of | | | | makes you feel peaceful. It makes you feel |
| making the wrong choice or of missing something | | | | bigger and freer. It has a long-term beneficial |
| crucial in this situation. It helps if you create an | | | | effect. It helps to ask, "If I wasn't feeling fear, |
| emotionally safe space for yourself. That means | | | | what would I choose?" or "If I didn't have any |
| you will commit to listening to yourself without | | | | limitations, what would I want in this situation?" |
| criticism, judgment, or self-attack. Renowned | | | | In most situations, it helps to choose with your |
| psychologist Abram Maslow, said that "All | | | | ultimate dream goal in mind and work backwards |
| creativity comes from safety." Consider writing | | | | toward it. Many people get stuck because they |
| yourself an agreement or contract, saying that | | | | are trying to find big, revolutionary answers while |
| whatever you choose, you will stand behind. | | | | keeping circumstances exactly the same. It helps |
| Here is an example of this kind of agreement: "I | | | | to think of what you want in an unlimited way, |
| will not judge the outcome of this situation. I am | | | | not what you think you can have, not what your |
| making the best decision I know how to make | | | | present mind can figure out. Remember, you can't |
| given the information I have. I will be honest with | | | | plan an inspired life. Be honest about what you |
| myself. I will be diligent in doing the best I can. " | | | | truly desire. Your real desires will give you energy |
| And here's a kicker clause you might add in: "I am | | | | and stamina. You have more strength and |
| willing to forgive myself if I have made a mistake. | | | | faculties than you can imagine. You will unlock |
| I am willing to be kind with myself if, later, I learn | | | | these secret resources when you listen to your |
| things that make me wish I'd chosen something | | | | true heart's calling. |
| else. I'm willing to grow from the situation and | | | | Seek Peace in the Midst of the Problem |
| learn new things." | | | | Many times we think we need to make a decision |
| Let go of your old identity | | | | in order to feel peace of mind. But find peace of |
| It doesn't matter how you would have chosen in | | | | mind first, and then you will make a better |
| the past. It doesn't matter what someone of | | | | decision. Part of you may want to obsess about |
| your stature would normally do. What do you | | | | the situation, play it over again, and count the |
| want to do right now? Is your past in the way of | | | | grains of sand in your options. But it helps to take |
| your future? You may try to salvage or maintain | | | | a walk, take a hike, read a novel, or get a |
| a certain self-image and it may be time to retire | | | | massage. Relax and let go. Relaxing can help you |
| this. Your best decisions come when you are | | | | access your creative resourceful mind. Letting go |
| totally free. If you woke up with amnesia | | | | can help you remember a vital perspective or a |
| tomorrow, and had no past at all, what would you | | | | past strength. A quiet mind is a powerful machine. |
| want to do right now? That desire has true | | | | They say that what you focus on grows. If you |
| energy and power. Sometimes an old identity is a | | | | focus on your problem intently, you will see |
| matter of conditioning or habit. Sometimes, your | | | | nothing but your problem. Albert Einstein reflected, |
| former self must be celebrated and laid to rest. | | | | "You cannot solve a problem from the level of |
| Someone new is emerging on the scene. | | | | the problem." Modern brain research indicates that |
| Give yourself Permission to Experiment | | | | you will tend to have more "Eureka moments" |
| Sometimes you can't just think about what to do. | | | | when you're not specifically thinking about your |
| You must take a step. You can't have certain | | | | problem. This is just how the brain works. In an |
| experiences in the shallow end of the pool. Some | | | | Austrian brain study, scientists discovered that |
| lessons come only with immersion. Can you | | | | the more people focused on the tests they were |
| imagine what it would feel like to know that you | | | | trying to solve, the more their brains produced |
| had to immediately marry the first person you | | | | gamma waves which created a mental block or |
| dated? It would stop you cold. But the | | | | impasse in their thinking. |
| experimentation of dating yields valuable feedback. | | | | Surround Yourself with Support |
| Sometimes it's just not possible to choose in a | | | | Take leave of people who make you feel small. |
| vacuum. | | | | Oprah Winfrey says "surround yourself with the |
| Give yourself free reign to change your mind. This | | | | people who lift you up." Why not join or start a |
| isn't flightiness or the inability to make a | | | | support group? Sometimes friends and family are |
| commitment. It may be a natural process of | | | | asking you questions you can't answer yet. Don't |
| coming to clarity. Invite yourself to start | | | | take on the responsibility of making them feel |
| anywhere and then change direction. A scientist | | | | good. This is your time to take care of you. |
| learns by beginning research at one point and then | | | | The right people ask the right questions. You |
| following the trail of discoveries. If you insist on | | | | might need people who don't find your new |
| perfectionism upfront, you're almost sure to | | | | identity threatening or upsetting. Your husband |
| guarantee paralysis. | | | | can't be as neutral with you as a therapist or life |
| Genius often accompanies flexibility. Ray Kroc, the | | | | coach, especially when you're contemplating issues |
| CEO of McDonald's began by starting a company | | | | that affect him. Your mother may not be able to |
| that sold milkshakes. He originally got interested in | | | | comprehend or support your decision to go on a |
| McDonald's, a small hamburger company at the | | | | "vision quest" or take classes in photography. |
| time, thinking he could sell more milkshakes there. | | | | Sometimes it's hard to justify paying for |
| But he allowed himself to change course as he | | | | professional help, especially when you're nervous |
| proceeded. He wasn't distracted or weak. He | | | | about money. But keep in mind that skillful, |
| committed to his instincts more than a particular | | | | supportive people can save you years, thousands |
| outcome. | | | | of dollars, and untold amount of opportunity costs. |
| Uplift Your Confidence | | | | They can see the best in you even in times of |
| In-between times can be acid on your ego. It's a | | | | pain. They can help you reach your highest |
| strong chemical that can eat away at your | | | | potential in life. |
| self-worth and self-esteem. It's easy to look upon | | | | Where you're Wounded, You're Gifted |
| a bleak future when your heart is closed down to | | | | You may be in a situation that will call forth new |
| yourself. But when you get clearer about who | | | | strengths. Author Ernest Hemingway said, "We |
| you are, the love in your heart you have to give, | | | | are stronger in the broken places." Your situation |
| your unequalled value, it is impossible to imagine a | | | | may help you feel a deep compassion for others. |
| narrow path to a dire future. Remember, there is | | | | It may give you a purpose that you didn't have in |
| an infinite self within you that believes in you, and | | | | life before. One mother lost her child to a drunk |
| knows the brilliant and fluid life you came to live. | | | | driving accident. To resolve her grief, she formed |
| It helps to remember that you have felt | | | | MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Many |
| confused before, and you got through it. You | | | | freedom fighters righted an injustice they once |
| might journal about past successes and good | | | | suffered. Healers help those with the pain they |
| decisions. If you find your mind being negative and | | | | know most intimately. What is your situation |
| roiling with self-criticism, try a daily "Win List" to | | | | currently teaching you? |
| reinforce your current progress. It's a technique | | | | You might find it comforting to help someone |
| that has you record 5-10 positive things you did | | | | else. When you're frightened or suffering, it's easy |
| that day. Write down any achievement. | | | | to be consumed by pain. You may forget that |
| Concentrate particularly on non-tangible | | | | you still have gifts to give someone else. In |
| accomplishments and small positive steps that you | | | | Alcoholics Anonymous, it's suggested that when |
| might otherwise overlook because you don't yet | | | | you're struggling to stay sober, it's best to reach |
| have a final outcome. For instance, you might | | | | out and bolster someone who has less sobriety |
| write: "Caught myself thinking negatively and | | | | than you. It helps you to remember that even |
| made myself focus on something good instead." | | | | when you're in pain, you can make a difference |
| "Got out of bed even though I wanted to roll | | | | and alleviate the suffering of others. It helps you |
| over." "Wrote in my journal when I wanted to yell | | | | to tap into your natural sense of love, your |
| at my husband." | | | | deeper faculties, and strength you may have |
| Draw Near to a Higher Power | | | | forgotten that you have. |
| When you feel confused, it's often a good time to | | | | And, when giving birth to your lobster shell or |
| strengthen your connection to whatever Higher | | | | rising star just seems to demand too much, |
| Power you believe in. It helps to remember that | | | | remember you will get through this, you will thrive |
| you are not alone and that nothing is without | | | | through this, and "This too shall pass." |
| meaning or purpose. Where have you found this | | | | Copyright 2008 Tama J. Kieves, All rights |
| source of connection and comfort in the past? | | | | reserved. |
| For some people, walking in nature can provide an | | | | |